A fortnight ago, I wrote on what a woman wants to hear from her husband and people accused me that I was being biased. So I have decided to write on what the men are trying to say to their wives.
Over the years, women have historically complained that men don't understand them, many men believe they are the ones who are the most misunderstood whether it is in the work-place, at home or even in the bedroom.
Indeed, many times it is a break-down in communications, disconnection between what a man says or feels and a woman hears or believes that is at the root of infidelity, financial problems, physical abuse, spiritual bankruptcy or any other obstacles that threatens fruitful relationships. Men in particular are in a tough situation because they don't usually express themselves as well as women. Many times when a man keeps things bottled-up inside of him, it gives his lady the go-ahead to define him as she wishes, (giving her) the go-ahead to decide for herself what he likes and dislikes, what emotions he feels, when he feels them, how long he feels them and whether he should ever feel them again. Soon she believes she knows what is best for him. You know women, give them an inch, they take a mile.
The best-kept secret in a man-woman game is that women for the most part are not even close in their assessment of the needs and hopes of their men. In fact, many women don't know the men they have helped to create. They rely on snap sayings and old cliches. they rely on what other women tell them. They don't take the time to talk to their man, to ask him what he wants. Women need to do a lot more listening to men.
So what would a man really like to tell his lady if he felt he had the freedom to do so and if he felt that his honesty would not result in misunderstanding, hurt feelings and ugly arguments?
Every man wants his woman to really understand him. Some relationship experts say many times men bury their true being under a façade of masculinity. Some men believe that women have been a major cause of pent-up feelings that men experience.
A man wants the woman to help him learn how to love her. Loving a woman many times requires training and instructions, which men are afraid to ask for and women assume men should know. To be honest, men do not have the tools to love. Everyone expects you to flip a switch when you enter into a relationship, but it does not work that way. Many have been trained from the time they were little boys to be tough. I do not agree with some women who say men do not have a heart. Men have a heart, but many times they simply do not know how to connect with it. Problem also comes when men are afraid to ask for help.
Many men feel that women have trouble saying good things about them, but have no trouble at all communicating the things they feel are wrong. Every man wants assurances that he is number one in your life. A man wants his woman to acknowledge how hard he works to keep the family housed, fed and clothed. He wants to hear his woman say she feels safe with him and feels that he is a good provider and protector. A man feeds off praises from his woman. But many times he feels like all he gets is criticism.
A man wants his woman to encourage his openness. To be a man means never showing emotions. But while most men won't admit it, what many long to do is to cry, to laugh, to love, to lower their guard and not feel like they have to always be oblivious to the softer side of life. There is only one problem, men believe women will call them weak if they show emotions.
It has been said that there are only five situations in which a man truly feels free to show emotion - during war, while playing sports, during a fight, while intoxicated and at a funeral.
This pent-up emotion is at the root of much of the anxiety, frustration, a general sense of powerlessness a man feels. Many men want to move beyond the superficial nature of some relationships, and into more concrete unions, built on realistic expectations and goals. Many men believe, even when he is doing all that he can, his lady is never satisfied. Women have said men have a white standard of beauty, some men believe women have a white socio-economic standard when it comes to measuring success.
Some men won't admit it, but many feel they cannot win. At one end is the "man" trying to keep him down. At the other end is his woman who cannot understand why he is down. A man sometimes feels like he is running as fast as he can and cannot do anymore. He is afraid to talk about the things that he is doing to keep up and why it seems like he can never get ahead. He needs the support and understanding of his woman.
Everyman wants the woman to be a romantic. Most men feel that in a woman's push to be a career woman, between her business meetings, late nights at the office, she has forgotten what it takes to make a relationship work. One way to keep pep in a man's step is by continuing to add mystery and romance in a relationship. A man wants his woman to wear that perfume that he likes, whisper in his ear, prepare candle light dinners. But nowadays, it seems like romance is a lost art among many women.
A man also wants you to attend to his needs. When he comes home at the end of the day after a hard day's job, he wants a woman who makes it clear that she is glad he is home, just like a woman wants to be pampered, caressed, held tight by her man who loves her for her, so a man wants to be pampered, caressed, held tight and loved, not for the money that he makes or the job that he holds.
He is not looking for an argument when he walks in the door. He is looking for a smile, a hug from his lady, her re-assurance that they are in the battle together, them against the world, and that nothing will ever come between them. A man wants a lady to be more comfortable with her sexuality. Men realize that the pervasive stereotype that women are too hard is just that, a stereotype. Nothing pleases a man more than a woman who knows how to spice up things in the romance department. More than anything else, a man wants a woman who knows how to have a good time, a woman who can be uninhibited at times, experimental at times, playful at times, and carefree at times.
Above all, a man wants the woman to be the ultimate lady. Sure, it is a tough world out there for women. Many of who have to juggle full-time careers and family duties. But is it necessary to bring the dragons layer mentality home with you? Men would like their women to leave their hard edge at the front door and exhibit their soft, feminine side more at home. The "I will whip anyone who gets in my way" mentality that some women possess 24 hours a day is a big turn-off to some men.
So ladies, you now have an idea of what your man has been trying to say to you. So learn to please your man and he will be yours for life.
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